A bit over a year ago, me painting anything was unthinkable. I was the typical writer, firmly convinced I lacked the ability to make anything that could come close to be called art. But I had proclaimed 2016 to be a year for facing my creative fears, so I ended up buying color and brushes anyway.

It didn't take long for me to realize that most of my inability was in my head, and in lack of practice. So during last year, I painted and in the name of facing my creative fears, I started selling what I barely dared to call my art.

Sometimes things happen that changes you.
Changes your creativity. 

It could be the simplest thing, propelling you in a new direction. A book, a dream, a new tool. A little push making you leap because you were ready to move on.

It could be that your life is shook to the very core by something life-changing. A sickness, a new life, a move. Your identity shifts and your creativity with it.

Or it could be that someone is forcing you to ask questions of your creativity that you haven't asked before. Questions making you question everything.

That's what happened to Taylor Lee. 

I'd written too much on my to do-list, as usual. In my heart, I knew it was more than I could handle and I went with it anyway.

I worked with stress as my companion. I flipped from moment to moment, never stopping. Dragging my creativity behind me, trying to force it to speed up. 

My creativity whining, me not listening. 

It was the beginning of the summer, and I was overwhelmed. For a while now, I've been searching for a clear direction in my creative life, for this blog, over and over again listing all the different things I'm working on. Blog, novel, book club, Etsy shop, photography. 

Structuring and scattering. Finding my focus and losing it again. 

I have tried to live my creative life with a big flaw. 
I have tried to do everything I want to do.

It may sound like living the dream, to do everything you want to do. But the reality is that it often interferes with your dreams, turning you into a stressed person half-assing many projects at once.

I don't know about you, but that's neither how I want to live nor create.

Creativity break ruts, but still we fall into ruts in our creativity. 

We find something that works and stick to it. Nothing wrong with that, often that's how we develop a recognizable style others enjoy.

But sometimes, we need to grow in our craft and then we need to break those ruts.

The creative life can be overwhelming. Being driven by inspiration, creativity and dreams, it's easy to want to do everything. We run hither and dither, creating all over the place. There are multiple projects, developing your craft, social media and all the things to figure out.

We end up feeling scattered, not sure how to choose between our inspiring ideas. Time is constantly running out but little gets finished.

It's unavoidable if you're a person who share your creativity with the world. You share something with certain hopes and those hopes get smashed down. There you are, being all brave and you get no credit for it.

Common symptoms include sharp embarrassment, diffuse pain a little here and there, overwhelming shame, distrust in your creativity, an urge to delete your work, strong longing to hide or run away and sudden lack of self-confidence. 

Let's have a look at the treatment!

This past weekend, I turned 28. It was a great birthday, with chocolate cake and sunshine. But I still have a wishlist, and it's not the regular one. It's a wishlist for what I want for this 28th year of my life. And the only one who can make my wishes come true - is me.

So here's what I wish for - and what I'm generously giving myself.

Opening an Etsy shop is one of those things. You know, like starting a blog or sending out a book proposal.

It feels like a milestone. It's a start of something, something that could potentially be big. Or not big at all. It could be significant, or entirely insignificant.

Therein lies the fear.

If it wasn't for one book in particular, I might never have started this blog. 

Maybe I'd eventually started a blog, likely a different blog, but that book gave me the idea of doing a Fear Year. And so, I started to share the adventures of facing my creative fears last year. Which then lead me to understand how much my mindset had been holding me back and what a huge difference some good strategies can have on your creative life.

I've not always been myself. I've neglected parts of who I am and hidden my true self from the world. I've feared showing up as I am, because being rejected would hurt so much more if I was truly myself.

When I started this blog, I knew I wanted to be honest.

At first, I didn't want to take a break. I had so many plans, so many dreams, my 2017 laid out in a spreadsheet. I didn't have time for a break. 

But it's when we feel like we don't have time that we need a break the most. 

I tried to ignore the little voice in my head that kept whispering that I needed to stop, to rethink and reconsider, but I couldn't.

It can be hard, this time of year, if you're searching for "the one".

Everyone else seems so happy, so in love, and your life is suddenly kinda grey in comparison. You dream of bumping into it on the street, chuckling awkwardly and getting a cup of tea together. You look a little bit extra around you, wondering if it's out there... 

Whether you'll also find the idea that is right for you.

I have a confession.
I didn't follow my own advice.

In fact, I did the complete opposite of what I think is best, and I had no idea I was doing it.

To tell you this story, I need to back up a few weeks and tell you what happened when we went into the new year.

It seems that a burst of self-doubt has adjusted our course. I'm doing everything I can to get us back on track, but I need your support in this. 

If you could stop second-guessing me and let me do my job, that would be very helpful. Can you do that?

Your beloved creative project, the one you were so pumped up about, the one you dreamed about, has transformed. Where you once could barely keep your fingers away, you now have to drag yourself. It takes some time for you to accept it, but it's ever so apparent once you do.

You've fallen out of love with your project.

How could this happen? You were so good together. 

We have too much respect for The Craft.

We do! Just listen to this exchange that went on the other day.

The Craft said

You will write something neat and proper and interesting.

And I responded, head bowed

Yes master.

To begin something, whether it's a creative project or something else, rarely happens in one moment.

Beginning is a process and it's a hard one. There are so many moments when it can end before you get past those first steps. So many thresholds you need to be brave enough to step over.

Let's look at the four steps of beginning, and what we have to do to not get stuck halfway through the start.