A Checklist For Setting Kind And Helpful Goals
It’s January. Many of us are setting goals for the year ahead. And while we do so, some of us are haunted by the ghosts of past years’ goals, by intentions we didn’t keep and goals we didn’t meet.
For as many goals as I have reached, I have fallen short of at least as many. And even if we shrug and look forward, it doesn’t feel very good. Over the years, I have learned to choose goals that are kind and helpful. Those are the ones that actually help me move forward.
If you too want a goal that feels supportive and kind, think of a goal you’ve set or are considering. Then go through the questions below and answer them truthfully. If your answer to a question is no, see if you can tweak the goal to make it a yes.
Does this goal come from a kind, loving place in myself, or one that wants to punish me for not having been perfect?
Sometimes I see people set goals like become more disciplined and it makes me sad. A goal like that is filled with disappointment in oneself, for not having been good enough before. It’s trying to fix a problem by simply saying do better.
A kind and helpful version of that goal might be explore what makes me stay motivated or find an accountability partner. It’s a goal that focuses on what you need and that supports you in what you’re trying to do.
Is this goal realistic?
You may have heard the advice to set goals that are little bit bigger than you think is possible. There’s a good thought behind that advice - it makes you think braver, instead of playing small.
The risk with goals that are more hopeful than realistic, is that you won’t reach it. And if you don’t reach it, you may feel like a failure when in fact it wasn’t you, it was the goal that was wrong.
If you on the other hand set a goal that you reach, it creates a positive spiral. You feel empowered by reaching the goal, set a new one and on upwards until you’ve done that big thing you barely believed you could.
So I say yes, do dare to think big. But be realistic too, especially when it comes to the a sensible time frame. Which brings us to the next question.
Have I taken into account my need for rest and recharging?
It’s easy to get inspired when setting goals. I have many, many times underestimated the amount of time a creative project takes, as well as my own need for rest. In fact, that’s what lead me down the path of slow living to begin with - I kept pushing myself too hard.
Goals that force us to work without rest and recharging are goals that will burn us out quickly. Instead, consider what pace of working would not only be possible, but feel good too. It will make the whole experience much more enjoyable, I can assure you.
Is this goal focused on what I’m going to do, rather than the outcome of it?
A traditional goal might be to reach a certain number of followers on Instagram by a certain date. But a goal like that doesn’t tell you anything about how you’re going to get there. By itself, it’s simply a wish.
I used to set these kind of goals and then beat myself up when I failed to reach them. Nowadays the only quantifiable goals I set are word count goals when writing on my novel, and those are directly linked to the amount of work I do.
If you do want a result focused goal, make sure you tie it to a strategy on how you’re going to achieve it.
Does this goal make me feel tingly?
I heard Hannah Bullivant use the expression tingly goals, and I think it’s the perfect word to describe how a goal should feel. Nothing is less inspiring than a goal you set because you thought you should.
When a goal is aligned with who you really are, what you love and how you want to grow, it feels good to think about it. A little scary, yes, but ultimately you feel motivated and uplifted by it.
And that, by far, is the most important part of a kind and helpful goal.
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