I love you but sometimes you drive me crazy.
It's up and it's down and half the time I don't know what you're talking about.
You run here and you run there and then you run I don't know where.
I try to follow you but sometimes I just need to stop and catch my breath.
I'm so grateful you're in my life, but it's not always easy.
You leave me when I need you.
You have a knack for luring out Fear and Doubt.
You force me to do things I don't know how and you don't care that it's hard.
You're not especially supportive, you know.
First you get me started on a project and then you leave. I have to search for you, drag you back, often change the whole thing to get you excited again.
One day you love something, the next day you're bored. You crave a constant motion, an endless evolution, an eternal revolution.
You never really stop.
I've tried to control you, but you can't be controlled, can you?
I make plans and deadlines, schedules and plot lines, but you keep messing it up. I've tried to tie you to a project but you always manage to set yourself free.
But that's why I love you, isn't it?
Doubt always stayed the same. When I was snuggled under that furry arm, it was safe, but nothing new ever happened. I miss the stillness sometimes.
When you came into my life, it was with a storm of colors, of emotions and possibilities, of dreams and futures. You were everything at once.
I loved you from that first day.
You broke the chains in my mind, you set my imagination free, you showed me what I could do. A new world opened through your eyes.
You're a rule breaker.
I just have to accept that you will break my rules too.
Do you know that I hate you sometimes?
In moments when I can't figure out what you want, where you are and all I see is Fear and Doubt, all I hear is deadlines and all I feel is frustration and exhaustion, then I hate you.
I wish that you had never come into my life, because you messed it up.
You made me believe in a dream I don't know if I should believe in.
You made me fight back to Fear and sometimes it's a hard fight.
Sometimes you make me cry. I feel like I'll never be good enough. Like you've sent me on an impossible mission that will break me.
I can't stop loving you.
When you come rushing back and fill me up with joy.
When we work together to make something amazing.
When a sliver of myself pour out into words or paint.
Then my love for you is so strong it makes every shadow pale.
We may have our flaws but I will keep choosing you again and again.
When Doubt wants me back, I will turn it down.
When Fear tries to block you, I will shoo it off.
I will fight for you, every time I need to.
Because I know it's not always sunshine and roses to be with you.
You warned me when we first met.
I will take you down a magical road, but it's not always comfortable one.
And I accepted. I chose the bumpy, winding, magical road with you, and I will stay on it, wherever it will lead us.
You reached out your hand and swept me away. I can never go back, not after what we've experiences together.
I will accept that you will break my rules again and again.
I will look for you when you've run away somewhere.
I will keep changing and evolving with you.
I will be bad and try to get better.
I will push through the discomfort.
I will allow the mess and frustrations.
I will stay with you, through better or worse.
Your scared little writer.