Dear Creativity. I will stay with you, through better or worse.

Dear Creativity,

I love you but sometimes you drive me crazy.

It's up and it's down and half the time I don't know what you're talking about.
You run here and you run there and then you run I don't know where.

I try to follow you but sometimes I just need to stop and catch my breath.

I'm so grateful you're in my life, but it's not always easy.

You leave me when I need you.
You have a knack for luring out Fear and Doubt.
You force me to do things I don't know how and you don't care that it's hard.

You're not especially supportive, you know.

First you get me started on a project and then you leave. I have to search for you, drag you back, often change the whole thing to get you excited again.

One day you love something, the next day you're bored. You crave a constant motion, an endless evolution, an eternal revolution.

You never really stop.

I've tried to control you, but you can't be controlled, can you?

I make plans and deadlines, schedules and plot lines, but you keep messing it up. I've tried to tie you to a project but you always manage to set yourself free. 

But that's why I love you, isn't it?

Doubt always stayed the same. When I was snuggled under that furry arm, it was safe, but nothing new ever happened. I miss the stillness sometimes.

When you came into my life, it was with a storm of colors, of emotions and possibilities, of dreams and futures. You were everything at once.

I loved you from that first day.

You broke the chains in my mind, you set my imagination free, you showed me what I could do. A new world opened through your eyes.

You're a rule breaker.
I just have to accept that you will break my rules too.

Do you know that I hate you sometimes?

In moments when I can't figure out what you want, where you are and all I see is Fear and Doubt, all I hear is deadlines and all I feel is frustration and exhaustion, then I hate you.

I wish that you had never come into my life, because you messed it up. 

You made me believe in a dream I don't know if I should believe in.
You made me fight back to Fear and sometimes it's a hard fight.

Sometimes you make me cry. I feel like I'll never be good enough. Like you've sent me on an impossible mission that will break me. 

Still...

I can't stop loving you.

When you come rushing back and fill me up with joy.
When we work together to make something amazing.
When a sliver of myself pour out into words or paint.

Then my love for you is so strong it makes every shadow pale.

We may have our flaws but I will keep choosing you again and again.

When Doubt wants me back, I will turn it down. 
When Fear tries to block you, I will shoo it off.

I will fight for you, every time I need to. 

Because I know it's not always sunshine and roses to be with you.
You warned me when we first met.

You whispered

I will take you down a magical road, but it's not always comfortable one.

And I accepted. I chose the bumpy, winding, magical road with you, and I will stay on it, wherever it will lead us. 

You reached out your hand and swept me away. I can never go back, not after what we've experiences together.

So...

I will accept that you will break my rules again and again.
I will look for you when you've run away somewhere.
I will keep changing and evolving with you.

I will be bad and try to get better.
I will push through the discomfort.
I will allow the mess and frustrations.

I will stay with you, through better or worse.

With love,
Your scared little writer.